Friday, July 08, 2011

Five People You’ll Meet at the Movies

Five People You’ll Meet at the Movies

Going to the movies isn’t like it was in the past. Before, it was a night out to a nice place for some nice entertainment. Now it’s like inviting 200 people into your living room and wishing they’d shut the Hell up. Here now are five people you’ll meet in the movies.

5. Munchy McMunch: Munchy won’t be happy until he manages to jam every conceivable snack onto a box lid. I mean, is he even aware that those hotdogs contain no meat and have been cooking since the theater snack bar opened? For the money he’s spending on snacks, he could stuff himself with sushi before he even arrived.

4: Mr. Clickity-Click: Mr. C has come to the movies, but spends all the time clicking the buttons on his phone. He’s tweeting, IM’ing, checking Facebook and generally doing anything except watching the movie. Invariably, about halfway through the movie he’s forced to turn to his friend and ask what’s happening in the story.

3. Mr. & Mrs. Can’t-Stay-Home: This couple feels compelled to bring their baby EVERYWHERE. It’s bad enough you ruined dinner at a nice restaurant. Now you had to bring your kid to X-men: First Class? Seriously? What’s wrong with you? Babies can’t understand movies. Get Netflix and then get the Hell out.

2. Chatty Chatterson: Oh, great, talking. That’ just what you paid $12 dollars to listen to, some guy in the seat in front of you talking ABOUT the movie. His friends are trapped listening to him drone on for two hours. Can’t you just shut up so we can all hear Bruce Willis kill bad guys?!

1: Trashman CheapDouche: This guy has a lot in common with Munchy, except he was at least smart enough to hit the mini-mart before he came. Smuggling in too much food under his jacket, he now proceeds to eat it all, while dumping the wrappers everywhere. Way to make those ushers earn their keep Trashman, you lazy bastard.

You can view all our movie t-shirts and come up with your own people that you generally meet at the movies here.

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